On Michael J. Fox and my groin

“The thing about, that I’m always trying to explain to people - because so much of the time, actually, my pills are working and I’m feeling great. And people say, you look so good and you look so smooth, and I have to remind them and myself that when I am smooth and I am - the medication is working, that’s not my natural state.

“My natural state is one that’s affected by the shortage of dopamine production in my brain. So my natural state is to be halting and at times tremulous and kind of just physically disturbed. I mean, that’s my natural state, given the situation in my brain. But I’m always as happy either way.”

 -Actor Michael J. Fox

The above quote comes from an interview on NPR’s Weekend Edition with Scott Simon.  The interview aired in mid-April, on a gusty, rainy Saturday morning in Seattle.  I was eating a light breakfast before a mid-morning yoga class, and I was feeling a little blue.  Then the interview came on the radio.  

There is only so much that a transcript can communicate.  In the interview, just prior to saying the above words, Fox admitted that he was waiting for a pill to kick.  The interview transcript records this.  What the transcript doesn’t convey is that as Fox spoke about the natural state of his brain, his speech was afflicted by the very same halting and tremulous qualities of which he was speaking.  His natural state—that of a man with Parkinson’s disease—was exposed. 

  

Rather than stop the interview until the pill kicked in, Fox chose to continue in spite of the wavering and breaking that riddled his speech.  He chose to acknowledge his natural state, even going as far as to direct the listener’s attention to it.  He fully accepted himself and the limitations of his body in this moment.  It was beautiful and moving to hear.  Maybe it was my mood, the weather, or low blood sugar, but by the end of the interview, I was all teary eyed.

In this modern age of antidepressants, energy drinks, Viagra, and Botox, it is pretty easy to escape the limitations of one’s natural state.  If I’m naturally inclined to snore, I can get some Breathe Right nasal strips to sleep more quietly.  If my all-natural body only fills up an A cup and I want more, I can get breast implants.  I can swallow three or four ibuprofen tablets to keep my muscles from aching after a run, and I can take an Imitrex to get over a migraine NOW instead of waiting it out.  There are pills out there for just about anything to enable us transcend our natural states.

This athlete's natural state doesn't take kindly to Hanumanasana.

I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with taking pills or undergoing procedures, etc., that alter one’s natural state, especially when one’s natural state causes pain.  I have a strained groin muscle right now—not only does it cause me physical pain, but it is causing me some emotional pain too.  I can’t enjoy the mood-elevating effects of running because I can’t run; I’m stressed out about how the injury is messing up my half marathon training; and I’m worried I won’t be able to participate in a race for which I’ve put a lot of time, sweat, and heart.  Of course, I’m taking ibuprofen and icing and heating and massaging and doing yoga poses that gently stretch the groin muscles!  I do not like my body’s natural state of achy groin at all.  I want to beat it.

Even with all this ibuprofen and Arnica and Icy Hot treatments and slowly and carefully sitting in Baddha Konasana, I may not be able to beat my achy groin before the race.  My natural state may very well continue to be achy groin for the next twenty-four days.  Maybe longer.  It would probably behoove me to regard my natural achy groin state in a kinder light.  If I accept the limitations of my body, then perhaps I won’t start crying tears of frustration every time I set out on a run and discover that my groin still feels too much pain to proceed.  I suspect that if I cultivate even the smallest amount of acceptance for myself in this injured state, I’m likely to be happier with myself.  I don’t mean to say that by accepting the injury that I won’t continue to down Advil and strap on ice packs—but I find ways to work with it instead of fighting against it.  Sometimes acknowledging one’s limitations can pave the way to new and better means to success. 

 

Hmm, I didn’t really plan to go on and on about my groin pull in this post.  So many other situations and moments I’ve experienced lately have made me think about Fox’s interview—situations that pertained more to my yoga practice and were likely more profound.  Still, my frustration with my groin pain has been acute lately and I thought I needed to work with the problem in my yoga practice OFF the mat as well as on the mat.  I suspect I may write again about Fox’s interview and these questions: What is my natural state and how can I embrace it?  Until then,

May we all learn to accept our imperfections while continuing to aim high with the grace of Michael J. Fox.  

 Relax, Marty.  It's just a groin pull...

 

Namaste!