But can you bend into the shape of a pretzel yet?

(Note: After I finish this post, I'm going to change into my yoga togs for yoga practice #360.  Eeek!!!!)

A continuation of my reflections on some of the questions I asked upon beginning this 360 straight days of yoga practice.  I asked, will I:

• Master more challenging poses that we do once in awhile in yoga class and then don't return to again for several months, so that I never really feel like I've fully learned how to properly execute them? Poses like Bakasana? 

I did Bakasana in my home practice yesterday.  It is one of those poses that sometimes feels like second nature to get into. Then on other days, I feel totally befuddled about where to place my knees against my arms--it just feels not quite right, even if I'm placing the knees in the exact same place as I did the day before, when it felt easier than pie.

Anyway, I do feel like I am more capable and skilled with Bakasana, in general.  Some of the other challenge poses I've worked on in class and at home this year, however, I am a long, long way from comfortable.  Perhaps you remember this one:

Ah, good ole Eka Pada Galavasana... I quit working on this one because I was sick of looking like a battered woman.  The pressure of my foot against my arm gave me bruises that looked like someone had grabbed me really hard.  It wasn't such a big deal when the weather was cool outside, but when tank top weather arrived....  Also, my leg injury sort of put a hamper on this one.  Take-Away Lesson: You can't be Super Woman when you walk with a hobble.

• (Will I) Get my hamstrings to finally open up enough to straighten my legs all the way in Uttanasana or to touch my heels to the ground in Downward-Facing Dog?

My heels still do not touch the ground in Downward-Facing Dog.  Honestly, I never for a second thought they would.  That said, after warming up a little, they definitely get much CLOSER to the ground in Dog pose than they were a year ago.  On the other hand, once warmed up, I really can straighten my legs all the way in Uttanasana now.  I don't choose to very often, because I don't want to lock my knees, but I can do it. For whatever that's worth.

• Stand on one leg with my other foot up by my head without tipping over?

Why yes, I kind of can do this now.  Look!

Utthita Hasta Padangustasana

My foot is kind of by my head, right?  I can't hold this forever, I can't straighten my leg all the way, and the pose has room for lots of improvement in terms of alignment and grace, BUT I can hold it without tipping over.  Sometimes.

*     *     *

Overall, certain poses are easier now than last January, but my body resists other poses and movements just as much as it always has.  And there are probably poses that are harder for me now than they were a year ago, because of an injury this year or maybe I just haven't been practicing it for awhile.  

-Some poses that are easier: Uttanasana, Bakasana, Baddha Utthita Parsvakonasana, Utthita Hasta Padangustasana, Plank and Chaturanga Dandasana. (I used to HATE these last two poses.  Now I like them. A lot.) Oh and can't forget Ardha Chandrasana--I'm especially proud of my work with Half Moon, a perpetually difficult, painful pose for me!

-Some poses are more difficult now than a year ago: Utkatasana (this one is a be-otch when you haven't been practicing it much), Malasana a.k.a. squat-asana, pigeon pose, Eye of the Needle pose.  I used to LOVE Eye of the Needle, but it causes me a lot of pain on my right side at present, and my motion is quite limited.  

I wonder which of these poses will be easier or more challenging for me at the end of 2011.  The truth of the matter is: Yoga is a process.  There is no grand finale. Everyday presents different obstacles to match the body's capabilities in that moment on the mat.  Yesterday, Bakasana was easy for me.  It might not be easy when I do it today.  Mastery is not holding a pose perfectly day after day.  Mastery is the act of showing up on the mat,  attempting a pose to the best of one's abilities in that moment, and returning the next day to try again.

So many different ways one can bend a pretzel on any given day!

And now, I'm off to find out how my body wants to bend on this, my 360th straight day of yoga practice.  More later!  Namaste!

Day 348.

But sadly, I still don't look like this.

In this post, I continue to reflect on this list of questions I posed when I first began this project, 348 days ago.  I asked, after a year of daily yoga practice, will I:

• Grow a few centimeters in height?

Okay, so to assess whether I grew any in height, I'm employing a highly unscientific method of standing shoeless against a wall, attempting to draw a pencil line in the exact right place at the top of my head, and then using measuring tape to figure the distance from pencil mark to floor. This process is made all the more unscientific by the fact that I didn't measure myself at the beginning of the year.  On my driver's license, it says I'm 5 foot 6 inches tall, but the last time I got measured at the doctor's office proved that I am one of those people who round up to seem taller.  According to the doctor, I was more like 5 foot 5-1/2 inches tall.  ANYWAY, this morning, I measured myself as 5 foot 6-1/8 inches tall.  Hmmm.... Did my pencil mark aim too high?  Was I slouching at the doctor's office?  Or did I grow a little bit?  We'll never know for sure.

Nope, still too short for Splash Mountain!

I also asked, after a year of daily yoga practice, will I:

• Look different--be slimmer or have more muscle bulk?  Be stronger in my core? Be more stable in my pelvis? Have better posture/alignment? Develop those tiny muscles in my inner hips and the arches of my feet to protect my knees and to help stave off genetic physical ailments? Reduce the frequency of migraines? Improve my circulation? Achieve super healthy blood pressure readings?

Let me start by saying that this here body of mine has served me pretty well during my year of yoga. Yes, I've incurred some injuries. I'm happy to report that none of them have been incurred practicing yoga.  I can't put a value on how many injuries I may have avoided by practicing yoga or staved off "genetic physical ailments," but I know that stretching my limbs and building muscle tone protects me a lot when I do high impact aerobic activities, like running, and even doing little things like getting into my car from a funny angle. The body can get hurt in really small, ridiculous ways.  Trust me, I once re-sprained my ankle trying on a ski boot 

Has my body changed? Of course it has, the body is always changing.  Lately, I feel like my core is kind of weak, but it was super strong in June. It is winter after all, and my body and energy cycles just like the seasons. People have remarked on my fantastic posture over the year, but alignment and keeping my pelvis stabilized seem like things that need lifelong attention and continual adjustments.  I don't know if yoga has helped prevent any migraines, though gentle yoga has been soothing when I've had one.  Circulation?  Sure, while I'm actually practicing, but in general?  Who knows?  And my blood pressure readings, they were pretty dang healthy before this year began, and they still are.

So now for the million-dollar question: do I look different, slimmer or have more muscle bulk?  Honestly.... I think I look pretty much the same as I did last January. My clothing sizes haven't changed. My weight has fluctuated within the same 5-pound window all year. That said, my body has never been in as great shape as it has been at times this year.  Particularly in the spring and summer months.  I definitely am stronger than I was last December, even if my core is a little wimpy at present.

And here's the real triumph: I have never felt so secure with this body as is as I have this year.  And sexy.  This body of mine is strong and sexy and I'm so happy to live in it.  The time I spend every day doing yoga allows me to witness and appreciate my body, while it also puts me in touch with what my body needs and what it likes to keep it healthy and happy.  Even when my muscles burn like crazy from holding a challenging pose, yoga feels like the most incredible gift to my body. 

Maybe I do look different.  Maybe I do stand taller.  Maybe the incredible confidence and respect I've developed for my body on the inside has transformed how I appear on the outside, in ways that have nothing to do with slimness, muscle mass, or the number on the scale. 

Namaste!

Yes, but can you do that with just one hand?

If only I were as tough as you, Jack Palance....

Over a month has passed since my last blog.  Not only that, but I haven’t been dutifully writing my minutes down on my calendar.  Now don’t panic, I haven’t fallen off my every-day yoga train.  The reason I haven’t been writing down my minutes is simple: for the last month or so, I have done yoga for ~30-35 minutes every single day.  Even stranger, I have done yoga around the same time in the morning on each of those days.

This degree of regularity in my yoga practice was unheard of in my yoga 360 until a month ago.  For the first seven months of this project, I've been consistent in practicing yoga every day, but I sure as hell haven’t been consistent in how much (other than meeting my imposed 30-minute daily minimum) or when I practice.  So what happened to make my yoga practice so dang routine? 

I got hurt.

Really, that’s the reason behind my incredible regular practice.  That’s what it took to turn my daily yoga practice into something as automatic and predictable in my day as getting out of bed.

Now, this isn’t the first time this year I’ve had to work with an injury. But this time I hurt my wrist.  My right wrist.  I hurt it after a long day of digging.  That night, I ached all over, but especially about 2 inches up from my wrist on my forearm.  When I did yoga as usual the next day, it wasn’t too uncomfortable.  But opening jars, washing dishes, using my car’s stick shift, washing my hair, writing, fastening and unfastening my bra and pants, and about a hundred other things...now those things were SERIOUSLY uncomfortable!

I would be holding the baby in this picture, if it didn't make my wrist cry...

“Well, it isn’t broken,” the doctor said when I went in to have my wrist checked out.  “It’s tendinitis of the wrist flexors.”  He strapped a big black Velcro brace on me, told me to take 4 ibuprofen 3 times a day, ice my wrist for 15 minutes three times a day, and to rest it. He told me it could take 2 to 4 weeks for my wrist to heal.  “But I do yoga every day,” I told him.  “Can I at least do downward-facing dog and plank on my forearms?”  To which he gave me a curt "No.”  

No swimming either?!!!  Bending the rules with a Cookie Monster water wing.

And thus came the end of my quest towards 360 days of Adho Mukha Svanasana (that’s Dog pose, yo).  But not my quest towards 360 days of yoga!  When I began this project, I anticipated that I might get hurt and I committed to adapting as necessary to continue my yoga practice.  So when I hurt my wrist, I started adapting.

Tendinitis can't keep me from climbing a mountain, with MY EYES CLOSED!

I couldn’t go to any classes as almost every single yoga class I’ve ever been to has heavily featured downward-facing dog.  Dog is like the complex carbohydrates of a yoga class—substantial and unavoidable in the yoga studio.  But it is possible to omit it from one’s home practice, and all other poses that require any sort of weight bearing on the wrists. So that’s what I did.  No dog, no plank, no cobra, no handstand, no wheel, no crow, no cat and no cow, no, no, and no. I also had be careful and make modifications in other poses like triangle or side-angle pose to make sure I didn’t put much weight on my right hand/arm.

After eliminating those poses from my asana practice, I was left with a lot of standing and balance poses, seated twists, and stretches on my back.  Honestly, during that first week, I found it a little difficult to fill up more than 30 minutes with this limited catalog of poses, which explains my string of 30-to-35-minute-long practices.  I also struggled with boredom; I really missed having all those other poses to toss into my daily mix.  My typical yoga practice does have a degree of order to it, poses I generally do before certain other poses, but there is still a lot of flexibility.  But with my wrist's limitations, I found I did the same poses in more or less the same order (vinyasa) every day.  (Please note that while this is unusual for ME, there are many types of yoga, like Ashtanga, in which one always does the same vinyasa sequence, no matter the class, the instructor, etc.) Maybe this order to my asanas is behind the development of a regular practice time of day in my yoga life; does one routine begets another routine?

I didn’t anticipate a painful wrist injury to bring such stability to my yoga life.  It has been interesting to observe how I’ve responded to a more structured, albeit limited, practice this month.  I’ve enjoyed the additional structure to my day for the most part.  But I really miss classes—sharing the time with other yogis and yoginis, holding poses longer, and being led through different poses I’m not so familiar or comfortable with, etc.

While my wrist is still weak, I’m virtually pain-free and only wearing the brace when I’m doing yoga.  I added dog and plank on my forearms back into my repertoire about ten days ago.  In the last few days, I’ve started pushing into full downward-facing dog.  I often wonder if I’m capable of doing more than I’m allowing myself in my practice. Could I be doing handstand without any issues right now?  But I think there is wisdom in showing restraint, recognizing that I may be more limited from the injury than I notice.  I’m trying to look beyond that 35 minutes on the mat and think about the rest of the month, next month, and beyond!

 Namaste!

On Michael J. Fox and my groin

“The thing about, that I’m always trying to explain to people - because so much of the time, actually, my pills are working and I’m feeling great. And people say, you look so good and you look so smooth, and I have to remind them and myself that when I am smooth and I am - the medication is working, that’s not my natural state.

“My natural state is one that’s affected by the shortage of dopamine production in my brain. So my natural state is to be halting and at times tremulous and kind of just physically disturbed. I mean, that’s my natural state, given the situation in my brain. But I’m always as happy either way.”

 -Actor Michael J. Fox

The above quote comes from an interview on NPR’s Weekend Edition with Scott Simon.  The interview aired in mid-April, on a gusty, rainy Saturday morning in Seattle.  I was eating a light breakfast before a mid-morning yoga class, and I was feeling a little blue.  Then the interview came on the radio.  

There is only so much that a transcript can communicate.  In the interview, just prior to saying the above words, Fox admitted that he was waiting for a pill to kick.  The interview transcript records this.  What the transcript doesn’t convey is that as Fox spoke about the natural state of his brain, his speech was afflicted by the very same halting and tremulous qualities of which he was speaking.  His natural state—that of a man with Parkinson’s disease—was exposed. 

  

Rather than stop the interview until the pill kicked in, Fox chose to continue in spite of the wavering and breaking that riddled his speech.  He chose to acknowledge his natural state, even going as far as to direct the listener’s attention to it.  He fully accepted himself and the limitations of his body in this moment.  It was beautiful and moving to hear.  Maybe it was my mood, the weather, or low blood sugar, but by the end of the interview, I was all teary eyed.

In this modern age of antidepressants, energy drinks, Viagra, and Botox, it is pretty easy to escape the limitations of one’s natural state.  If I’m naturally inclined to snore, I can get some Breathe Right nasal strips to sleep more quietly.  If my all-natural body only fills up an A cup and I want more, I can get breast implants.  I can swallow three or four ibuprofen tablets to keep my muscles from aching after a run, and I can take an Imitrex to get over a migraine NOW instead of waiting it out.  There are pills out there for just about anything to enable us transcend our natural states.

This athlete's natural state doesn't take kindly to Hanumanasana.

I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with taking pills or undergoing procedures, etc., that alter one’s natural state, especially when one’s natural state causes pain.  I have a strained groin muscle right now—not only does it cause me physical pain, but it is causing me some emotional pain too.  I can’t enjoy the mood-elevating effects of running because I can’t run; I’m stressed out about how the injury is messing up my half marathon training; and I’m worried I won’t be able to participate in a race for which I’ve put a lot of time, sweat, and heart.  Of course, I’m taking ibuprofen and icing and heating and massaging and doing yoga poses that gently stretch the groin muscles!  I do not like my body’s natural state of achy groin at all.  I want to beat it.

Even with all this ibuprofen and Arnica and Icy Hot treatments and slowly and carefully sitting in Baddha Konasana, I may not be able to beat my achy groin before the race.  My natural state may very well continue to be achy groin for the next twenty-four days.  Maybe longer.  It would probably behoove me to regard my natural achy groin state in a kinder light.  If I accept the limitations of my body, then perhaps I won’t start crying tears of frustration every time I set out on a run and discover that my groin still feels too much pain to proceed.  I suspect that if I cultivate even the smallest amount of acceptance for myself in this injured state, I’m likely to be happier with myself.  I don’t mean to say that by accepting the injury that I won’t continue to down Advil and strap on ice packs—but I find ways to work with it instead of fighting against it.  Sometimes acknowledging one’s limitations can pave the way to new and better means to success. 

 

Hmm, I didn’t really plan to go on and on about my groin pull in this post.  So many other situations and moments I’ve experienced lately have made me think about Fox’s interview—situations that pertained more to my yoga practice and were likely more profound.  Still, my frustration with my groin pain has been acute lately and I thought I needed to work with the problem in my yoga practice OFF the mat as well as on the mat.  I suspect I may write again about Fox’s interview and these questions: What is my natural state and how can I embrace it?  Until then,

May we all learn to accept our imperfections while continuing to aim high with the grace of Michael J. Fox.  

 Relax, Marty.  It's just a groin pull...

 

Namaste!

What is this blog all about? -- Part Two

As discussed in Part One of "What is this blog all about," the potential changes and benefits I might experience over the course of 360 days are infinite. Not all of them are positive, of course. I might tear a muscle or dislocate my shoulder. I might become stressed out about squeezing in my yoga practice and behave in some less than calm, peaceful, kind ways. AND what will I do if I become very sick, break a bone, am in a serious accident, suffer a serious head injury, get imprisoned (not likely, but you never know!), become pregnant? There are deal breakers, so it is important to set out the conditions of my year of yoga.


1. First, what defines a daily yoga practice, i.e. for how long will I do yoga each day? I am committing to spending a minimum of 30 minutes doing yoga every day.

2. Does lying in Savasana for 30 minutes equate to a day's yoga practice? No. It does not. Nor does sitting cross-legged in meditation or resting in Balasana (Child's Pose) for 30 minutes. However, I will likely spend a few minutes in seated meditation at the beginning of my practice, a few minutes lying in Savasana at the end of my practice, and pause for a breath in Child's Pose pretty much every day--these three aspects of yoga practice are actually challenging for me, believe it or not! I get impatient, I want to take action, move to the next pose or the next activity. I've skipped Savasana in my home practice many, many times and rushed through meditation (which means I really didn't meditate at all). As meditation, rest, and the breath are very important parts of yoga, I am committing to practice these quieter poses with equal attention to the more active ones.

3. So aside from the passive parts of yoga, what else will go into a day's practice? I think the only pose that I can all but guarantee will be in every day's practice (notwithstanding injury or any unforeseen physical limitation) is Downward-Facing Dog. I really can't think of the last time I practiced yoga without doing this pose at some point, thus "360 days of Adho Mukha Svanasana" is the perfect title for this blog about my undertaking. Other than Downward Dog, I expect the asanas in my practice will vary day to day, especially when I get my day's practice in a yoga class. Different yoga teachers, class locales, and difficulty levels lend themselves to different poses. Likewise, when I practice at home, my body and mind often dictate the poses I do or don't do. Forward bends and inversions can be helpful in alleviating general anxiety, but they can agitate a migraine or headache. Likewise, back bends are good for opening the heart and elevating one's mood, but if my lower back is bothering me, I might not want to do either of these!

4. How will I track my yoga practice? How will I hold myself accountable? I'm tracking how long I've practiced yoga each day by writing the minute amount for each day. I don't know how to absolutely prove to the world that I do yoga everyday--without filming my practice with a live feed to the Internet and that is NOT going to happen. But I will write about my practice here every ~10 days or so. I will post the minutes for each day since my last post, and I'll write a little about how I am practicing and where, limitations and ideas that may be guiding my practice that week, poses I'm struggling with or loving, and so on. This way I not only hold myself accountable, but I am accountable to the Internet, whatever that is worth! Also, if you live in Seattle, or I'm visiting your region, you can help facilitate my practice by inviting me to your favorite yoga class or studio and witness my 360 in action.

5. What if I get the flu, food poisoning, pregnant, or cancer, or what if I break a bone, sprain my ankle, suffer a concussion or spinal injury, am in a coma, am imprisoned, on a 20-hour flight, or have some other impeding physical condition/limitation? First, for long days of travel and vacation: I will find a way to practice somehow, though it may be a lot more pranayama (breathing) and meditation if I am sandwiched in the middle seat of a flight across the world. Should I decide to go somewhere like Thailand, which requires a very long airplane ride or two and puts me on the ground a day and a half after my departure time due to the time change--I will either do yoga twice that day, or I will make it up when I come home and go through the reverse time shift (living through the same day twice pretty much). Also, there are still ways to practice yoga if I break my leg or arm, become pregnant, or have the flu, food poisoning, or even cancer some times. All such conditions will limit the range of my practice, but should one of these physical issues arise, I will adjust my yoga practice accordingly. More breath work, restorative poses, gentle stretches to uninjured regions. BUT if I suffer a spinal injury, or be hospitalized and completely immobilized, or chained up in prison (I really don't expect this to happen!), such conditions are clearly deal breakers. Right now, these types of serious life events are my 360-days of yoga's only deal breakers.

Voila! If anyone in the Internet world can think of some other important issue I need to address to lay out my year of yoga, please comment away!

I had planned to go into why, aside from any of the potential positive benefits listed above, I want to do yoga for 360 days, but this post is rather LONG already and I still need to do my daily yoga practice! So I will write about some other reasons next time! For now, here's my log for the first 10 days of my yoga 360:

Day 1, 1/6: 90 minutes
Day 2, 1/7: 30 minutes
Day 3, 1/8: 60 minutes
Day 4, 1/9: 60 minutes
Day 5, 1/10: 40 minutes
Day 6, 1/11: 90 minutes
Day 7, 1/12: 60 minutes
Day 8, 1/13: 90 minutes
Day 9, 1/14: 75 minutes
Day 10, 1/15: 30 minutes

One pose I'm hating on: Baddha Utthita Parsvakonasana or Bound Side-Angle Pose

Clearly, this SMILING woman is not me.

One pose I'm loving: Utthita Parsvakonasana or Side Angle Pose (Doing lots of side angle poses lately!)

This also is not me. FYI.

Namaste!