On teachers...

So, I'm going to BEGIN this post with my Yoga Minutes, for days 100-112!  Note my minutes over the first 7 days in particular:

 Grab-ass=not a helpful teaching technique...

4/14: 90 min

4/15: 75 min
4/16: 60 min

4/17: 90 min

4/18: 30 min

4/19: 90 min

4/20: 30 min

4/21: 90 min

4/22: 35 min

4/23: 90 min

4/24: 30 min

4/25: 30 min

4/26: 35 min

So note that on 5 of those first 7 days I did 60 or more minutes of yoga.  Does Jess have a life, you may wonder.  Amazingly, I do, but that's not my point.  What this indicates it that I went to a yoga class on each of those 5 days.  Here's what the numbers don't show: I went to 5 different teachers' classes on those 5 days.    

Yes, this is a lot of yoga, but that's nothing new.  But I don't think I've ever taken classes with so many different yoga teachers in one week before.  Now I take regular, weekly classes with two different teachers (Denise and Wendy) with the occasional Thursday AM with Rainey or Thursday PM with Meg tossed in for good measure.  These are all Anusara yoga teachers and they often take classes from one another, or teach together--frequently, in one week, Denise, Wendy, and Rainey all will give a lot of attention to the relationship between the pelvic loop and the kidney loop (I could explain these.  Really.  But I'm not going to, except to say that they have to do with alignment), but each teacher approaches the loops with different suggestions and uses different poses in which to apply the techniques.  Sometimes, I wish they didn't draw so much inspiration from this tight Anusara yoga community, but generally, I find that the subtle differences in their approach enriches my understanding of the principals being taught.  Generally, I like the crisscross a lot.

Likewise, it is often refreshing to go to a class outside of the Anusara tradition just to remind me of how many different styles of yoga there are, how practicing in a quick-paced flow class feels versus Anusara's slower pace (which does not equate to "easier," FYI), how each style/school of yoga emphasizes slightly different elements/principals, and how each requires a different kind of attention and care while practicing.  I learn a lot every time I practice yoga somewhere new with someone new.

But doesn't taking yoga classes at all these different places suck up a lot of money?  And really, after doing yoga for over a decade, do I really need that much instruction?  An article that ran in the New York Times this past weekend addressed questions such as these. I'll let you peruse the article if you desire, but here's the gist:

The article is about this yoga studio chain called Yoga to the People and its founder, Greg Gumucio.  The studio's mission statement/manifesto on their website proclaims, "There will be no correct clothes, There will be no proper payment, There will be no right answers ... No ego no script no pedestals."  The NYT article continues that there also are "no “glorified” teachers or star yogis. You can’t even find out who is teaching which class when, or reserve a spot with a specific instructor." (itals. mine) 

The seed for Gumucio's studios was first planted when he was studying with Bikram Choudhury, who advised him to take everyone's classes and report back to him.  Gumucio did so and was frustrated by one particular teacher.  Back to the NYT: "Mr. Choudhury was not sympathetic. Just the opposite, telling Mr. Gumucio to, in essence, suck it up and go back to the class — that the problem wasn’t with the instructor, but with Mr. Gumucio himself. “You are your own teacher,” Mr. Gumucio said he was told. “You are responsible for your own experience.”" (itals. mine)

I both respect and cringe at Gumucio's yoga philosophy.  I really like the no egos, no correct clothes, no proper payment attitude, because those are all things that keep people away from yoga who might really benefit from it and ultimately enjoy it. I know I get a little nauseated by yoga show-offs who occasionally come to one of the classes I regularly attend, and proceed to do insane poses with their body that aren't remotely like the poses the rest of us are doing, and of course they're wearing hipster yoga togs and are ripped like He-Man.  And I've put off buying a new yoga mat for 4-6 months now because they are ridiculously expensive.  I spend a TON of money on yoga classes--I don't know exactly how much, but it's definitely a four-figure amount.  I love the idea of yoga for all.

I also agree that you are your own teacher.  If something feels good to me, I'm sorry, but no teacher in the world can tell me that it doesn't.  Or if something hurts me.  I learn a great deal from my body every time I hit the mat.  I don't go to the mat and assume I know what I can and can not do that day.  I have to spend time figuring my body out, like the Sudoku puzzle in the daily newspaper. What's tight today, how tired am I, what does my body tell me now and what will it tell me in 10 minutes?  What challenges are reasonable to take on--which ones might I rock and which ones might be a little disastrous?  If I move in this way, I can bend more that way, but am I strong enough in that place to prevent strain in that spot?

 If I  listen to my body now, will I be able to do this at her age???

So, with all that I learn from my body, do I need to go to these classes?  I guess I don't NEED to, but I feel that I learn more from myself due to how much I learn from my teachers.  Does it have to be Wendy, Denise, and those specific teachers?  I guess not, but they are really good teachers, which means I learn more from them, giving me more to build on at home, so that I can learn more from myself too.  

These thoughts are in regards to where I am with my practice now, however.  This is very important to recognize and consider.  It took me years to build the understanding of my body that I have now.  I could not always tell when something hurt because my muscles were burning in a "good" way, and when something hurt because my body was bending beyond the point of safety and into the zone where muscles get torn and joints dislocated.  I didn't understand how to harmonize my muscles, joints, and bones to bend deeper, or anything about muscle energy and magnetizing my shoulders on my back, etc.  I had to learn the general guidelines and limitations of a reasonably fit human being's body, and I had to learn how to do all those poses, and do them correctly!  

My teachers were invaluable at that point in my practice.  I am so thankful to my first "good" yoga teacher, Jeri at the Moscow Yoga Center in Moscow, Idaho.  My very first two teachers were not good teachers; honestly, they could have been gymnastics or kickboxing instructors for all I learned about yoga from them. Only after I started studying with Jeri did I really start to understand what yoga was all about, and that I liked it.  The right teacher matters a great deal sometimes.

And per "bad teachers," well, they certainly exist.  At this point in my practice, if I run into a teacher who is questionable, I have the knowledge to tune him or her out during a class and just follow my inner teacher based upon the wisdom of my body in the moment.  I absolutely agree with Choudhury that I am responsible for my own experience in such a situation.  I am lucky that my very first teachers were not dangerous in their mediocrity, just not very helpful, and again, I'm so glad I studied with Jeri before I studied with the individual who I refer to as "The Yoga Nazi" because I could recognize that he pushed students in an aggressive way that risked injuries,  in addition to just not being very peaceful!  I wasn't a great student of myself yet, but I'd learned a lot to know when to be cautious.

In closing, I am thankful to my teachers and I am thankful for my body's wisdom and I am thankful for how my practice at home and my practice in class work in symphony together.  When I think of the interplay between the two, I can really understand and appreciate when my different teachers all seem to be teaching the same principal in their separate ways--this is the teacher inside each of them putting their own spin on what they've learned from those who teach them.  Just like I do when I come to my mat at home again and again.

Namaste!

Facing Doggie Down

I've returned from Mexico with a tan line (twas a burn line... I fear my future includes melanoma) and about five new pounds on my body from margaritas, tortilla chips, and guacamole. While I succumbed to the temptation of tequila and too much avocado--I didn't think that was possible--I did not succumb to the temptation to ditch my daily yoga practice. Yay!

It did take some effort to practice on my trip, particularly on that dreaded travel day last week when I took a 6 AM flight to Houston en route to Cancun. As I mentioned in my last post, I'd loaded up my i-gadget with a couple of chair podcasts from Hillary's Yoga Practice, so during my layover in Houston, I tried to find an empty chair that wasn't too close to anyone else and looked out the window with room to cross my legs and to stretch them out in front of me. Then I plugged the ear buds into my ears and pushed play.

How did it go? Well, unsurprisingly, I felt a little self conscious meditating in public. I thought my OMs instead of chanting them out loud at the beginning of the practice and I held my hands in Anjali Mudra in my lap. The chair practice incorporated a lot of arms overhead stretches and I felt pretty conspicuous after the fourth or fifth one. Likewise, after the first couple of forward bends in my chair, I wondered if people were watching me and judging me. It was very difficult not to become self aware to the max. And then my practice was interrupted because I had to go stand in line at the gate counter to get my passport validated again. When I resumed it, I really struggled to find a calm mind again because I was all revved up to go to Mexico. Will I do a chair practice again next time I have a long plane day? I don't know--it was convenient on a day when I was traveling SO early and traveling to an earlier time zone, eliminating my daylight hours. But yesterday morning, I made sure to go to a yoga class at the resort spa before we checked out and headed to the airport.

I went to the 8 AM yoga class at the spa Monday-Friday this week. A muscular, short instructor named Mauricio taught the classes. His English was quite good. Except for yesterday, he taught entirely in English. Yesterday he translated everything into Spanish for a few Latina women. I didn't pick up anything, except inspiras and espiras. Mauricio really focused on the breath a lot in his classes, when to inhale and exhale, how many times, and breathing into the diaphragm, not the chest. This kind of pranayama instruction can feel patronizing to me often, given how long I've been practicing yoga. I have to remind myself in gym/spa/community yoga classes that not everyone who comes to these classes has been practicing yoga for over 10 years, or even over a month, and that I'm lucky that the instructor is teaching pranayama with such focus at all. Mauricio even ventured into Nadi Shodhana Pranayama, i.e. Alternate Nostril or Channel Cleaning Breath. Regardless, it was hard to be critical of Mauricio with his cute little accent and way of saying Downward Facing Dog ("Down Dog Facing" or "Facing Doggie Down") and adorable pronunciation of vertebrae.

Mauricio led yoga on this pier one day--Lovely. Picture by jeco.

Back in the USA, I entered month 2 of my Yoga 360 today. I've done yoga for 32 straight days for at least 30 minutes! I suppose I should pause and reflect at this point on how I feel, but I'm blogged out for the day. Tomorrow, I'll post with some musings about the 1-month mark, along with my minute count for the last 10 days! Until then,

Namaste.

The challenges of practicing at home

Ugh.

Let me set the scene. It's Friday morning. I've been writing for the man most every day for the past two weeks. I've also been doing yoga every day for the past two weeks (plus three days). Honestly, my life has never felt so routine and predictable. Good thing? Bad thing? Routines give me balance, and also can be quite conducive to better productivity. And, yes, I HAVE been on schedule with my writing. I have kept my place moderately clean. I have cooked meals and prepared lunch and even met my personal goal to ride the bus to the office at least once a week, and to go to the gym once a week. So I ask myself:

1. Is a regular yoga practice causing this regularity in the rest of my life? AND
2. How can an ADHD mind like mine tolerate the lack of drama?

Answers: Maybe, and I have NO IDEA.

For the last several years, my days have varied immensely from one to the next. In work, in mood, in energy, in sleep, in food, in everything. On one hand, that kind of variation is very exciting, stimulating to a brain that craves stimulation. It can provoke great creativity and lots of ideas. On the other hand, that kind of daily variation doesn't allow much room for actual growth and progress. I sort of forgot how to complete projects, how to follow through. So for all the exciting ideas and plans I'd make, most of them barely got off the ground. I'd abandon them as my life shifted and my interest with it. Ultimately, I felt like a failure and like I wasn't living up to my potential. While I think "Failure" is a harsh word now, I do think the latter was true.

Then, after perhaps the most varied, nutty six to eight months of my life, things began to settle down. I began to settle into things. Not that I love everything that I've settled into. I don't really enjoy writing for the man, but it does work for me right now. I would like to settle into my fiction writing instead, but that is another story. Right now, I'm just proud that I've settled into any routine at all, and that I'm not too itchy to ditch it.

The very first brick I laid in my more settled routine was yoga. Even when my life was whipping around everywhere like a cyclone, I went to yoga class on Tuesday mornings. Then I added Friday mornings. Then I swapped Tuesdays with Wednesdays. And then I changed Fridays to Mondays at a different studio. Okay, so this doesn't look very consistent and steady, but the point is: I've been committed to attending a regular yoga class most every week for about three years, and I've gone to Om Town on Wednesday mornings for Wendy's class for a full year.

A weekly yoga class only gives structure to ~90 minutes of the 10,080 minutes in a week. That's almost nothing. But what important 90 minutes they are! In the depths of an ugly depression or uncertain time, those 90 minutes gave me focus outside of the sad and the scary emotions that were dominating my life. I focused on my breath, on balance, on my muscle energy, and on the minute muscles and bones in my body--how to move each one into better alignment. I focused on not throwing up after holding my arms up in chair position for an eternity (or maybe just 90 seconds...).

Proper alignment takes a lot of focus, frequent check-ins, and minor adjustments. My therapist recently asked me if I had a lot of creative ideas while practicing yoga. The answer is absolutely not. Maybe if I let my mind wander in Savasana, a notion will come to me. But generally, my mind is so focused on my practice that there is no room for creative lightening bolts to strike. There is also no room for moodiness, and I note stress in my body, not my brain. When I think how therapeutic therapy is for me, I wonder why I wig out about dropping money on yoga classes but not on my therapist, who is great, but maybe not as essential to my well being as my yoga practice. Hmmmm....

I do think that by settling into a yoga routine, I laid the foundation to settle into the rest of my life with more ease. I think it's increased my patience, so that I can endure longer with dull work days that resemble one another an awful lot these days. Not that I'm complacent, but that I'm more or less content with things at this moment and I can sit still to ride it out. This is HUGE!

Now, in committing to 360 straight days of yoga, I'm biting off a lot. Some caring individuals, who know me pretty dang well and have seen my sudden starts and stops over the years, have expressed a little concern that I'm setting myself up to fail and that I'll be crushed if I do fail. That maybe I should give myself a break here and there. I really do understand where these concerns come from. I'm not offended or upset that these important people have reacted this way. I have these concerns too, trust me. But if I don't commit all the way, if I'm not absolute and firm in this goal, I WILL fail.

So on to my second question, how can an ADHD mind like mine tolerate the lack of drama? Or, put in the context of daily yoga practice, how can an ADHD mind like mine maintain enthusiasm for yoga practice day in and day out, especially when I'm practicing at home? This IS hard. When I'm trying to execute a pose sequence of my own design, at home, alone, lasting at least 30 minutes--well, I don't hold poses for that long. I get bored and want to get to the next sun salutation. I grow antsy in Savasana and I want to jump up and get in the shower. In my 360 of yoga, I need to mix it up with classes at yoga studios, at gyms, with podcasts, with yoga CDs, with yoga books, websites, etc. The other day, I bought the Yoga Deck so I could pull out cards to create a yoga sequence and then lay them out in front of my mat on the floor. I've got to stay flexible in my mind to succeed at this year of yoga.

The truth is that this is a great opportunity to try new yoga studios, teachers, positions, books, resources. If I look at it this way, it feels varied even in the routine, and my brain stays stimulated. I'm going to try to go to a new yoga studio/venue or try a new yoga teacher every week or two for the first few months of this project. And I need to keep invigorating my home practice, because one of my main intentions in this project IS to develop a good home yoga practice! I welcome any ideas about how to keep yoga fun and engaging at home. And I'd love to go with anyone to their yoga studio for a class!

By the way, tomorrow, Saturday, January 23 is:
a.) My half birthday. In my view, the age of 33 and a half is the official marker of being in one's "mid-thirties."
b.)Yoga Day USA. There will be free yoga events all over the place, and I will definitely be going to one of them! More about Yoga Day USA here.

And now, I'm going to get out of this chair and head to the office. And get some very not yogi-like coffee. Wah ha ha ha!

Utkatasana
Please make it stop. I can't hold my arm bones up this way any longer.