360 days of Adho Mukha Svanasana: My Brain on Yoga: a Flash Yoga Blog!

This blog is a flash yoga blog. No, this isn't like a "flash mob" (though that would be RAD). This is more in the spirit of flash fiction. As Wikipedia puts it, "Flash fiction is a style of fictional literature or fiction of extreme brevity. ... Some self-described markets for flash fiction impose caps as low as 300 words." So that means: I am going to write this blog like a flash in a pan, or quick as a flash, typing anything that comes to mind, in a short 20-minute frame of time, and not exceeding 300 words in count.

Oh and also, I will be including some flash yoga-photos from my practice today, for comical relief.

My Brain On Yoga, the Home Practice Edition:

Sit still. Breathe. Stop thinking about your breath so much and breathe normally. Right, like that. Am I sitting upright? Slouching? Lean back. Breathe normally. Quiet the mind. How do you quiet the mind? I have no idea. Breathe.

Okay.... It's been a few minutes, right? Time to put the hands in front of the chest in Namaste. "OOOOOOHHHHHHHH- cough-{oops, too low}...uh, MMMMMMMMMMMM."

"OOOOOHHHHH{too high??}HHHHMMMMMM."

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHMMMMMM." Perfect.

Let's get my Sanskrit chanting on! Wow, wrong key. I'm not sounding so musical today. Why do I put a French accent on everything? Was that the second time through the invocation, or third? I can just do two, right? What should my intention for my practice be today? Something about being kind to oneself, not judging too harsh. That sounds good.

Cat, cow, cat, cow, cat, cow. I could cat and cow all day, it feels so good. Until it gets boring.

Dog! Walking, walking.... Full dog. Bend the knees, draw the groin muscles back, rotate the thighs in and back, don't lock the elbows, push through the pads of the fingers, pull the shoulders into the back.... Broaden the kidney area on your back, tuck the tailbone. Don't forget your core. Core, ha! What core?!

Plank. God, I love plank. My arms are so strong. Heels over my toes, rotate inner thighs in and up, soften the heart a little. Don't forget the core! God, I hate plank.... Now for some obligatory Chaturanga Dandasana torture and cobra. LOVE LOVE LOVE me that cobra. But don't forget your core!

Step to Uttanasana. HELLO, hamstrings. Release the head. Rotate--wait, I said, RELEASE THE HEAD. Okay. Now, rotate the thighs in and back, tuck the tailbone a little, bend from the hip folds, go a little deeper. AHHHH. Let's stand up and stretch the arms over head. Core!!! Overdoing the backbend there, back off! Am I jutting my chest out? Don't do that, silly; there's no one's looking. Hmmmm, what to do next?

Dog. Three-legged dog. Right leg forward in a lunge. High lunge. Don't let the right knee extend over the right ankle, keep the inner thigh lifted, hips even. Get that right hip in and that right buttock tucked under. Don't forget your core! Bend deeper? Not happening. Right hip, why do you continue to torment me? Tight, tight, mean right hip. Jump Switch! Ha ha ha--yeah, in my dreams! Step switch. Rinse and repeat on the left.

Balance poses! Grounding the corners of my left foot. Right foot up carefully...carefully! Right foot to left calf, rotate in the right hip socket for easy tree pose. Keep that left leg strong, four corners of the foot, FOUR corners, not two, wavering, wavering.... Okay. Got it now. Square, stupid hips, get square! Core, do not, I say, DO NOT forget the core! Imagine a string of thread on the inside of your belly button pulling it to the spine and then up just a little bit. Tuck the tailbone. Oh, arms! Up, up, up. Ack! Core! Core! For the love of Patanjali, CORE!!! Wavering, wavering! Mayday! And touchdown. Switch!

I should do some core strengthening... WAH HA HA HA HA!!!

Savasana time. Relax.... Let the mind release any thoughts.... Damn, my nose itches. Ignore it. Ignore it. How long have I been lying here already?

"OOOOHHHHHHMMMMM." Crud. What was my intention? Oh well....

"Namaste!"

And now for that picture fun... Adventures in Utthita Hasta Padangustasana (Extended Hand-To-Big-Toe Pose) and Ardha Chandrasana (Half Moon Pose). These are constant challenge poses for me, so know that I AM making mistakes and struggling and that you should not aspire to look like me!